16/01/19 Confusion

I am worry lately. Everyone has always told me my arty brain is the reason I lack skills such as following verbal instructions. People say they are forgetful too when I fret about my terrible time keeping or when I miss important deadlines, long since forgotten and abandoned. An appointment taking months because I plain forgot the many made before it. 
I thought that by exploring the confusion I felt surrounding my artwork I would enjoy some relief from it. I made a breakthrough while working on the paintings, being mindful. Re-reading through old blog posts and seeing visuals depicting the concept of confusion and dreams. 
At the weekend we played a game and I couldn't follow it. The most basic, silly game in the universe. Cards against Humanity. Not my logical, boring cup of tea but when there was more than one blank to fill I couldn't remember the wording or order of the questions. 'The reason I don't _____ is because I now ____' for example. When it's written down and I can see it- no bother. When someone has said it for the fourth time in a row because I am just NOT getting it. Still no- Much, much bother. How could I ever hold anything down, when I can't even keep my bubble head on the ground? I managed college, How?
I've come into uni, no one else is here but it's warm thanks to my heater and this is a stupid blog post but I'll probably delete it when it comes to marking. 
I agreed to be involved in a group exhibition in March, that's something to kick up the ants in the blood. I was thinking at least I can do more of these scrapy paintings if I needed to if I didn't think of anything else. 

Surrealism aimed to revolutionise human experience, rejecting a rational vision of life in favour of one that asserted the value of the unconscious and dreams.tate.org

I don't know how I wasn't fully aware of this or how I forgot. I think because it's something you learn about when you are younger I thought of it as a more basic, unchallenging and therefore irrelevant (to my work) part of art history. Dreams have become important as they have all the attributes of confusion I am exploring... 

(Also look at German Expressionist films, FACT's current exhibition, Link-Broken Symmetries ) 

1. Context. 'Out of place'. Whether that is an object or a person. 'Otherness'.
2. Difficulty in expression, tension, distress. Horror. Francis Bacon? All realities existing in the same moment, far/close, large/small. 
3. Tones. Colours are neon or pastel muted by grey. Grey and pink where the colour scheme my Mum had for our front room when  I was a kid and these feature a lot. 
4. The absurd. I tend not to have gritty dreams, they are like a child's. 
5. Space, locations. 

Peer chat, movie and book recommendations:
Links- Perverts Guide to Ideology
Meshes of the Afternoon 
Walden, Jonas Mekas
Don Quixote

Media I could use:
Film, clay/ plaster, paint, performance, photography. Projector. 

Delivery:
I would not be interested in showing the work in a gallery, work would ultimately live in the real world but it may be recorded by film/ photograph.  

Bedwyrs project must relate to my own work and not be separate. 

Don Quixote, a story of an adventure. Films, moving images to tell a story. Story, story, story. Narrative, adventure, time elapsing. Perception of time elapsing. Dreams don't all have ends but they roll forward, events occur. I could use the idea of a dream, a story and turn it into a live adventure. I could give myself or others an adventure using imagination and misdirection.