Head
I am strugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstrugglingstruggling to concentrate I am struggling to articulate.
Even writing my thoughts down has become problematic, I can't even calm down enough to read beyond a few paragraphs of anything. People keep suggesting drugs so I went to the doctor to get my mitts on the legal kind.
I think the problem began when I decided to document everything. I thought it best (considering my memory) to write things down. This is especially useful for me; to help me remember things and also, the simple act writing turns a float- away thought into something physical, and when using a notebook- tangible. This means that these fluffy thoughts are physically embossed into my brain, so I am less likely to need to be reminded.
I have had to spend a week away from university and then the reading week- in which I achieved nothing, has only brought me more stress. I feel I am losing my foothold in the term.
We have an assessment soon; the crits. We have to write a statement, deliver a presentation, write a 3000-word essay... take part and evidence carousel participation and on top of these things, produce our own work. This last stage has been stressed as the most important stage, however, as the other parts are deadlined to the not distant enough future I feel they are taking precedence. Oh, and also put work into the public gallery space, so we become used to exhibiting and speaking with people about our work.
These conflicting tasks have resulted in a chore soup that is being constantly stirred in case the pan burns. My pan has burned. I thought about scouring it but I think it is probably best for me to buy a new one and spend some time (which I do not have) thinking about ways to avoid this happening again- or at least finding peace with it and perhaps start stockpiling pans.
I need to work out- without over procrastinating- how I work best. A conversation with Rory reminded me that to conjure ideas my practice is to relax and do something unrelated, like painting abstract and simple shapes, crotcheting, brushing my teeth or having a long shower. I saw an artist who wears wigs, believing that they help him to write- Maybe there's something in that. I thought about my studio. Why do I dislike it so much? To work efficiently I need certain things.. but I also need to be part of the real world and work in uncomfortable circumstances.. I am writing this because if I don't I will forget.
I need it to be reasonably warm, I am frequently blasted by cold where I am. Smokers leave the door open and the getting up to shut it almost turns me into a cartoon kettle. I need walls. I erected a wall but people nearby complained about the reduction in light. I halved the height of the wall and they are happy but I am not. I need to feel covered up somehow. I am making a blanket and looking at tablecloths so there's less negative space between me and the world. I am facing the wrong way. This is a common gripe, look at buses and trains and the grim faces of people going backwards. It's like a deep itch and I am boring people by complaining about it and also disrupting them by trying to scratch it all the time. I was going to buy a cheap tent. If I had somewhere to put it, it would be up by now. I have now bought the tent, just got to negotiate its placement.
REALITY
BLATANT FAKES
- SELFIE-
SURFACE IMAGE- GUCCI/SANDERS/BALENCIAGAFASHION
PHOTOGRAPHY- grown-ups loving unicorns and mermaids/ Disney
Even writing my thoughts down has become problematic, I can't even calm down enough to read beyond a few paragraphs of anything. People keep suggesting drugs so I went to the doctor to get my mitts on the legal kind.
I think the problem began when I decided to document everything. I thought it best (considering my memory) to write things down. This is especially useful for me; to help me remember things and also, the simple act writing turns a float- away thought into something physical, and when using a notebook- tangible. This means that these fluffy thoughts are physically embossed into my brain, so I am less likely to need to be reminded.
I have had to spend a week away from university and then the reading week- in which I achieved nothing, has only brought me more stress. I feel I am losing my foothold in the term.
We have an assessment soon; the crits. We have to write a statement, deliver a presentation, write a 3000-word essay... take part and evidence carousel participation and on top of these things, produce our own work. This last stage has been stressed as the most important stage, however, as the other parts are deadlined to the not distant enough future I feel they are taking precedence. Oh, and also put work into the public gallery space, so we become used to exhibiting and speaking with people about our work.
These conflicting tasks have resulted in a chore soup that is being constantly stirred in case the pan burns. My pan has burned. I thought about scouring it but I think it is probably best for me to buy a new one and spend some time (which I do not have) thinking about ways to avoid this happening again- or at least finding peace with it and perhaps start stockpiling pans.
I need to work out- without over procrastinating- how I work best. A conversation with Rory reminded me that to conjure ideas my practice is to relax and do something unrelated, like painting abstract and simple shapes, crotcheting, brushing my teeth or having a long shower. I saw an artist who wears wigs, believing that they help him to write- Maybe there's something in that. I thought about my studio. Why do I dislike it so much? To work efficiently I need certain things.. but I also need to be part of the real world and work in uncomfortable circumstances.. I am writing this because if I don't I will forget.
I need it to be reasonably warm, I am frequently blasted by cold where I am. Smokers leave the door open and the getting up to shut it almost turns me into a cartoon kettle. I need walls. I erected a wall but people nearby complained about the reduction in light. I halved the height of the wall and they are happy but I am not. I need to feel covered up somehow. I am making a blanket and looking at tablecloths so there's less negative space between me and the world. I am facing the wrong way. This is a common gripe, look at buses and trains and the grim faces of people going backwards. It's like a deep itch and I am boring people by complaining about it and also disrupting them by trying to scratch it all the time. I was going to buy a cheap tent. If I had somewhere to put it, it would be up by now. I have now bought the tent, just got to negotiate its placement.
REALITY
/ nostalgia for the 90s
and films and music actually considered total crap at the time.
IS IT BECAUSE WE ARE IN A TIME OF UNCERTAINTY? JOHN HOA LECTURE SAYS THAT'S HOW LAURA ASHLEY CAME TO COSY PASTEL POWER.
WE ARE ALWAYS IN A TIME OF UNCERTAINTY... POSSIBLY BECAUSE OF THE SHIFT, IN YOUNG PEOPLE BEING INVOLVED IN POLITICS AND A NEW GENERATIONS UNIQUE TAKE ON POLITICS- THE FIRST GENERATION RAISED ENTIRELY IN A TIME POST INTERNET. with access to news of a totally different kind than broadcast.
Okay so I bought the tent. The tent, the tent, the tent. Tent, Tent, Tent. Tnt, Tnt, Tnt. Tt, Tt, Tt.T, T, T. Tnet, Tnet, Tnet.
I want a corner. I want a corner with walls and open space. A view would be nice but not needed. During summer I work outside using the wheels on my desk so that's not a problem. How can I get through winter and use the studio to make work? I can make a corner, by making a wall extend to the window- if I found a vacant lot. How do I do that without annoying and disrupting people? I could go in when there's no one about.
Workload:
and films and music actually considered total crap at the time.
IS IT BECAUSE WE ARE IN A TIME OF UNCERTAINTY? JOHN HOA LECTURE SAYS THAT'S HOW LAURA ASHLEY CAME TO COSY PASTEL POWER.
Okay so I bought the tent. The tent, the tent, the tent. Tent, Tent, Tent. Tnt, Tnt, Tnt. Tt, Tt, Tt.T, T, T. Tnet, Tnet, Tnet.
I want a corner. I want a corner with walls and open space. A view would be nice but not needed. During summer I work outside using the wheels on my desk so that's not a problem. How can I get through winter and use the studio to make work? I can make a corner, by making a wall extend to the window- if I found a vacant lot. How do I do that without annoying and disrupting people? I could go in when there's no one about.
Workload:
- Email John and CC Rory in, about a possible extension for the essay DONE
- Find a well-documented subject to write about CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT HOCKNEY, NOT ENOUGH PPL AGREEING WITH ME HE'S TERRIBLE
- Buy forks, we only have 2 left DONE
- Check Maria is meeting up tomorrow NAH SHE'S TOO BUSY
- Write a proposal for Adams carousel DONE
- Write a more in-depth lesson plan- the Worst chore, leave until last SEMI HAPPY WITH THIS
- Write up the game instructions NO TIME, HAD TO BE REALISTIC
- Write up something, anything about these ideas of reality and trends replicating this mysticism. Colours, texture, body language, replication of real life whilst inhabiting blatant fakeness.Light, filters and tricks. Celebrity. Juxtapositioning. COULDN'T THINK STRAIGHT, WROTE LOTS OF DRAFTS OF THE SAME THING THAT ALL TURNED OUT DIFFERENT.
Could I take up a desk in another uni? Could I negotiate a desk swap -once a week..? I am working with impersonation. I could take on the other students work and they could take on mine. A once a week brain transplant. How would cross subjects work? Security would have a fit, it would have to be private
UPDATE:
I noticed a poster asking someone id they wanted to be him for a day so this is not a good idea whole someone else is already thinking about it. This also makes me think it's hardly an original thought.
I was thinking about getting in touch with students in one of the science buildings nearby and asking them to come take my place one Wednesday and I take one of theirs. They'd still be marked as in but we both could benefit. It would be interesting to see if it would go unclocked, as I'd be using their card to get into the building.
I saw this:
UPDATE:
I noticed a poster asking someone id they wanted to be him for a day so this is not a good idea whole someone else is already thinking about it. This also makes me think it's hardly an original thought.
I was thinking about getting in touch with students in one of the science buildings nearby and asking them to come take my place one Wednesday and I take one of theirs. They'd still be marked as in but we both could benefit. It would be interesting to see if it would go unclocked, as I'd be using their card to get into the building.
I saw this:
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